Triggers And The Patterns We Practice
Hello my Loves! Happy August!
We are more than half way through 2021 and it feels like we are heading back into a space of introspection as a collective again as new coronavirus information is shared with the public. I'm not sure if this feels so "good" to me AND I know that I always benefit from a little more alone time feeling into my body, the clues it is giving me, and the stories being told in my head. Self-Awareness requires effort and the willingness to consider how we are contributing to and showing up in our experiences. Time alone gives us the space to process these experiences and then decide which ones work and which ones no longer serve.
Since I moved to Austin into a space of my own I have found my Self spending more time alone resting and contemplating what to do next in order to grow my practice here locally, and virtually. Recently, I felt the urge to take some dancing lessons to break up the monotony of rest and work. I have been going out a couple days a week now and I am remembering how much I enjoy it! I used to go partner dancing 7 days a week in my late teens early twenties. I had so much fun! And since this was such a BIG part of my life then, and as I allow my Self to play on the dance floor again, it is bringing up some old traumas within my body as I move it more and connect with "strangers" on the floor.
At first, it felt AMAZING just being in a room full of people with live music! So Lovely! Then, as I got to know some of the regulars and started learning more with them, I realized I was encountering some of the same characters I knew back in the day they just have different faces now. Because as I know... Wherever I go, there I am! Meaning, if a person is still carrying the old beliefs and baggage around what their truth is, the same energies will continue to show up to give us the opportunity to do something different this time. The opportunity to change the pattern or usual response to an experience from the past.
What I was appreciating most about going out dancing here at first is that EveryOne seemed to simply be having a good time, laughing and not taking anything seriously. Everyone dances with everyone and it feels light. I feel like that has shifted now and I am being asked to really look at why it feels that way. What am I carrying around inside of me that changed the experience from friendly dancing with others to an uncomfortable pick up party?
What I have discovered is that I am still experiencing the stories of "it's not ok for me to tell people how I truly feel" because "I might hurt their feelings" and then "they will leave". Fortunately, the story of "women don't like me" is not hanging out anymore because I really LOVE having the support from my feminine counterparts these days!
So in my alone time, I am going back to these younger versions of me where the patterns were created and I am having a conversation with them. I am imagining them sitting with me and I am listening intently the way I wished people would have done for me back then. It has been super helpful in the process of letting go of the old beliefs and stories. Our brains do not know the difference between the present moment and an experience from the past with our eyes closed feeling into it. We re-live the memory in our body, so why not work with our meditation time and intention to write new stories with the younger us?
Let me preface that BEing responsible for my energy, thoughts and participation in any experience does not excuse another's unloving behaviors. It is the opportunity for me to release the victim mindset and change my future experiences and what I attract into my environment. My guest on the podcast this month, Jeannine L. Rashidi shares in her book, "I was still in a victim mindset; a victim needs a perpetrator; and a perpetrator needs a victim. I don't want that previous statement to be triggering, so let me explain. If I have the victim's energy, that energy needs the perpetrator's power to maintain the state of victimhood and vice versa. If there's no perpetrator, there's no victim". She goes on to express that if our inner victim is healed, then we no longer have the space within for a perpetrator to enter our experience. The podcast will be posted later this week. Tune in to Shootin' the Sh*t with Jess at the link below to listen to previous episodes as well :)
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I wish EveryOne all the best as we move through the rest of the month and year! I'd love to hear how you have been and what practices are helping you to ground and move through your experiences with ease.
If you're interested in the guided meditation of connecting with other versions of you that I have mentioned above to support you, please check out my online course at the link below.
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If you'd prefer the hardcopy of the book that the course is created from, please check out this link below.
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I Love You and am Grateful to BE a part of this life with You!
Always,
Jess