The Art of Being… CONFIDENCE.

How many times in your life have you felt like something didn’t happen because you were not feeling assured in your abilities or just in yourself in general? Have you seen yourself trying to force something to happen because it’s what you were taught as a kid? Society seems to have all these rules of how we should be and if you don’t fit into one of the categories you are not considered acceptable. I see people (including myself) seeking approval from others when they are making decisions and choosing to do things differently in their life. I also see a lot of people offering unsolicited (biased) opinions. We all do it, but what if we saw it from the perspective that we are limiting ourselves by seeking this so-called approval or judging someone’s experience?

Accepting and Allowing are two key concepts that human beings are challenged by throughout their time on this Earth. I can see why it is so challenging when every day we are basically told we are “not good enough”. You’re too short. You’re too pretty. You’re too fat. You’re too smart. It’s too much, but it’s never enough. On some level, most of us are comparing ourselves to the airbrushed picture on a magazine or to the person who holds a degree when we don’t. We compare our relationships with our partners to what we see on the surface of other’s lives. Being educated and knowledgeable does not require a piece of paper saying so any more than I need someone else to validate any of my relationships or choices. So, what does it look like to embody confidence when everything outside of you seems to be saying otherwise?

Trusting our intuition or gut feeling is the first step in the process of being confidence. If we do not trust the decisions and choices we are making we will never move past the doubt or “what ifs” that pop into the mind. When we choose (and everything is a choice) to ask our heart how it feels when deciding things, we leave the mind out of the equation and we feel the decision. The allowing of the feeling, leads us to a knowing. The mind is great for math and science, even driving our car, but if we do not allow ourselves to feel the decision we may not be coming from the most loving space and this can lead to an experience we weren’t desiring. When we are dealing with the emotional body, it is best to allow ourselves to feel all of it and lovingly excuse the mind of its duties in that moment.

When we truly accept another person’s experience and journey, we are giving ourselves permission to be ourselves completely which cultivates confidence for both parties. We give each other permission to enjoy each moment to the fullest without worrying about what anyone else thinks… because really, what other people think of you is none of your business anyway. All our relationships, platonic or otherwise, desire this freedom of expression. Instead of staying with someone you want to change or continuing at a job that sucks the life out of you, choose something/someone else that resonates. There’s no need to settle. When we feel like we have settled, there is nothing the other person can do to “make it better” and by putting any expectations on them, we are asking for unpleasant outcomes. I’m not saying that there are not compromises in relationships, but be aware of the intention behind any request.

When we allow everyone to be themselves, we encourage a space to dream and create without doubt. I don’t mean to dream your life away, but we all have a dream (an idea) first, before it manifests here in the physical. Everyone on the planet has their own ideas of what the world should be and we will not always agree, but who is “right” and who is “wrong”? The answer is: no one. I like chocolate, you don’t. Who is “right”? I am not trivializing war or poverty occurring in the world today, but we must allow ALL experiences. Whether we agree with it or not, is irrelevant. All each person can do is choose to change their thoughts and perceptions about what is happening. If I am constantly trying to change something from a place of fear, I am only feeding into the idea that it is not changeable. What if we all believed that eradicating war is possible and we acted in alignment with changing the belief?

When we are able to come from a place of confidence (love), there is no thing and no one that can take us off the path or away from our truth. When we support others in being themselves, we share the confidence that we are feeling and they may begin to feel the same. As a woman, I see myself as a Queen. I am honored, loved, accepted, and adored. If this is what I desire, I must treat myself as such and I must treat others as Kings and Queens as well… because really, we all want the same love, acceptance, and approval. The key is not to depend on the outside world providing the “sense” of confidence. You must be your source of validation. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is just feel the moment and not say a word. The truth is, confidence has nothing to do with words… it is a state of being that needs no explanation.